so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
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i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
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"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week