Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.