hey, what are you doing tonight?
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard