found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
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