dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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