im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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