I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
