so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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