why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
