i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
