Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
