I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
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He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
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I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
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