yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
