I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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