it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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