Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
