mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
