im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
