His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
