this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
