onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize
