i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
