Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
