We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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