im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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