you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
