dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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