I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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