sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
