hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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