I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
