i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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