Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
