He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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