She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
