first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
