don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
