So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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