I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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