Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
