Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
