I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
