hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
