it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
