I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
