My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize