Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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