first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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