it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
