Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
