angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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