That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
