when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
