Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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