either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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