it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I party with great urgency now.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
