One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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