I'm lost and stupid without you.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
