where does the pee come out of this thing
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
