had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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