His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I still have a little drunk in my system
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
